· Date: Monday June 24, 2019
· Where: Delta, Utah to Salt Lake, City, Utah
· Total Distance Covered: 140 miles
· Running Partner: Jack
Today, was our first day out of the desert and into the plains. We ran through farm country for most of the day. Typically, there were fields, houses, and mountain tops on either side of the road. There were still large stretches of road with no houses or buildings, but we were close to civilization. It was a good thing to see more than two towns in a single day! More populated areas of the route meant that food donations would be more promising, and we would be able to make a larger impact on the Young Adult Cancer community.
The most memorable part of the running route today would have to be running on a dirt road that used to be an original section of the Pony Express. I know, it sounds lame but running on packed dirt was a much-needed relief on my joints. At home, I had run hills on a dirt road by my house multiple times a week to train. I would guess that about a third of my mileage during training was on dirt roads and trails. Switching immediately to the pavement for one hundred percent of my miles was tough.
The softer surface wasn’t the only good thing about the dirt road though. It was peaceful. This was one of the few areas of the day where there were no houses in sight. At one point, an antelope ran across the road just ahead of us. Jack and I watched it prance its way through the tall grass as we ran towards the spot in the road it had just crossed. I imagined galloping on horseback through the countryside to deliver letters as the Pony Express had. I imagined what it was like with no signs of civilization anywhere and traveling for days at a time to deliver letters. It must have been hard work.
When it was time to get in the van, the road was extremely bumpy which made the ride unenjoyable. The rattling and the bumps soon became nauseating and gave me a headache. Since there were about ten to twelve miles to this dirt road, we were driving on it for about two hours. Every time cars passed us, dust kicked up and blew in our faces. By the time we were off the road, everyone was dusty and the van, our shoes, and our clothes looked like a different color.
At one point, we were waiting for runners, and a few miles away across the fields, there were explosions. We never could make out if this was target practice, construction, or something else. But there were mushroom clouds repeatedly billowing into the sky and the horizon. It was actually kind of cool. I hope these were planned though and everyone is okay.
I really enjoyed running with Jack. Throughout the remainder of the trip, we would be lucky to run with each other three or four more days. For some reason, we would keep getting paired together. Jack is from England, or as he likes to say, he is from “across the pond.” After talking with Jack closely throughout the day, I felt like we were very similar in our morals and what we want in life. The conversation got deep fast and the topics varied. We were both surprised about what the 4K for Cancer turned out to be once it got started. Our expectations were met or surpassed in many areas, but in some, it was not at all what we expected. There were of course the ups and the downs to this trip, but all in all, we were both extremely happy to be here. We were both getting so much more out of the trip than we ever expected to.
As we got closer to Salt Lake City, the roads became much more populated as we ran from the plains, to scattered houses, suburban areas, and finally the city. As the van drove ahead to wait for runners, we would get out and mark directions on the sidewalk with chalk. We weren’t running on just one road anymore. Now, we were running by other people, through intersections, and making multiple turns over the course of just a few miles. It felt so strange to be in the city now. Running on the Loneliest Highway a few days ago and reaching Austin made us feel like we had reached civilization again. Now, it felt like we had reached society.
Today was my Dad’s birthday and I was missing it. Just like yesterday when I wasn’t home for my mom’s birthday, today was the first time I wasn’t home for his birthday too. When we got settled at the host, I called them both and we talked for a little while. I shared the events of the day and what we would be doing tomorrow since it was our second service day. Anytime throughout the summer, when I had the time and the cell service to talk with my family, I really appreciated it. I missed them and wanted to include them in on the journey. It wasn’t just me who had to confront my experience with cancer.
Throughout the trip thus far, we had only been hosted by churches and high schools. Tonight, was different. We were sleeping in the Utah Jazz basketball stadium, part of the NBA. I am not a big fan of professional basketball, but a lot of people were who were on the team were huge fans. Everyone’s excitement was refreshing after the recent long days and low morale due to a lack of food donations and interaction with others. Security for the arena let us in and showed us where we were staying. We would be here for the next two nights because of tomorrow’s service event. We ended up being placed in the locker rooms, the girls in one, and the guys in another. I tried not to think of the sweat and other gross aspects associated with any locker room as we put our sleeping pads on the ground. But what was cool was how fancy the locker room was. I had never seen anything like it. There was carpet and wood paneling. There were more than enough outlets and space for everyone and there were also eight showers with warm water. This would be the third night in a row with warm water and I was feeling spoiled now. The employees of the stadium even brought out some basketballs for us and we played basketball on the court. This is something that we were all excited to have been able to say we did, even if we didn’t follow the NBA.
After everyone had called their families, had dinner, and gotten settled into their spaces, we had the conclusion to our “Why” meeting, which we had started on the night of our first service day. This time around, it was just the members of Team Boston and the entire team had been warned days in advance that this would occur tonight. The way the meeting was brought up seemed much more appropriate than in Sparks and I really appreciated that. I don’t think I am speaking for myself when I say the entire team appreciated this. However, some of our opinions about the entire structure of the meeting remained unchanged. If you missed this conversation in the blog “Day 5 – The Ronald McDonald House,” you should go back and read it. Our “Why” meetings were an important aspect of the 4K for Cancer and contributed immensely to the close and supportive relationships that everyone had with each other on the team. Sharing with each other may have been slightly awkward at first, but it was an emotional night that was both necessary and powerful.
At the conclusion of the meeting, everyone was somber. Someone said we should play knockout on the basketball court and it seemed like we were literally knocking out our sadness, our emotions, and our negative feelings about our lives. Soon, we were laughing and yelling with each other rather than crying and hugging.
Hearing everyone’s “Why” and their story was inspiring and put me deep into my thoughts for the remainder of the night. Once the knockout game was over and everyone went to their own space to go to sleep, I stayed up. The game hadn’t helped to knock out my thoughts as I initially thought it would. As the night wound down, the feelings of happiness and contemplative unity that I had after playing the knockout game with the team were replaced by something else. My complicated emotions came flooding back. I didn’t think I’d be able to sleep at all. Listening to music didn’t help. Walking around the stadium didn’t help. I sat as high up in the stadium as I could, overlooking the court just collecting my thoughts. My thoughts were racing. Images of Laurie in hospice popped into my mind followed by her funeral. My time in the hospitals and all the other patients I had interacted with were flooding in. I saw images of patients I had taken care of and those who were still battling their illnesses. I remembered the stories people had told me, as I set off on this journey, asking me to run for their loved ones. I thought of what all these people might be doing right now or what they would have been up to if they hadn’t passed. I asked myself why. I asked myself why I was still here. I asked myself what I was doing. I didn’t understand why I had to go through what I had to go through. I didn’t understand why anyone on the team had to go through the things they had gone through. Why anyone had to go through any hardships was a question I could not answer. When I thought that I had a unique story and no one could understand, I saw others who were suffering from their own experiences. No one was alone, but I didn’t understand how if anyone was in control of our lives, if there was a God, why all of this happened. I didn’t understand how the things that happened in all our lives could be allowed. I didn’t know how to stop the thoughts and questions.
There were no answers.
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