· Date: Saturday July 27, 2019
· Where: Skaneateles, New York to Saratoga Springs, New York
· Total Distance Covered: 161 miles
· Running Partner: Anna
Everyone treats their experience with cancer differently. If there was one thing that the 4K for Cancer had taught me, it was this. The morning dedication made this realization especially evident. Two older ladies from Skaneateles had brought us breakfast and thanked us repeatedly for running for the cancer community. Throughout the hour and a half or so they were with us, both women were very vague about their connection to cancer. They focused the conversation on the team and our stories. In the dedication circle, one asked us to run for her daughter Courtney.
“We all know how terrible it can be and how tragic it can turn…” is all she said.
Tears were in both of their eyes as they spoke with us. They were too choked up to continue.
After our dedication circle ended, we soon parted ways to start our miles for the day. I reflected on the morning, realizing that the amount of privacy these women had kept surrounding their daughter’s diagnosis was something we hadn’t encountered yet. We knew nothing about their experience besides the fact that one of the women had lost her daughter. I found it interesting how some people approach traumatic events in their life. Some build walls of solitude, others build bridges of support. I’m not sure if this is out of choice or if some people do this as an involuntary reaction. Maybe they are still in a state of shock and have instinctively put up all their walls. It made me think of people I knew who had kept their diagnosis a secret for as long as possible. I thought of friends who had kept family diagnoses in private until their passing. I thought of how I had reached out for support and had received it from more corners than I ever thought possible. I thought of how many more support groups I could have utilized if they were available. I thought of others who made their diagnosis public and others who retreated to silence. Everyone treats their diagnoses differently. Everyone reacts differently to traumatic events in their life. Was there one way that was better than another?
Over one-third of the team was injured. In our fifteen-person van, four people would complete their miles. By chance, everyone who was injured had been assigned to the same van today. Some were sick and some had overuse injuries. Some of our teammates weren’t running at all and others would run only a couple miles. The morale was low.
Anna had been injured for the past few weeks due to some muscular problems with her calves. She and I ran about two miles together and walked another two, which was the most she had completed in a long time. Like our other conversations throughout 4K, Anna and I talked about what motivated us to join. We continued the conversation we had that night in Niagara Falls about the devolution of the team as well. We were both disappointed and I got the inclination from Anna that Team Baltimore 2018 hadn’t experienced these problems when she had taken part. It made me wonder how the cultures of the teams on 4K were different as the years progressed.
Since so many of us were not running all our miles, I would run with several different people throughout the day. Not one pair was strong enough to complete all their miles together, so the rotation of runners through the van was entirely messed up. Everyone had much too little rest between their miles. Considering the constant uphill climbing of hills that we were doing, the heat, and the humidity, it was a tough day of miles.
At one point, I ended up running three extra miles with Tyler S. and Justin. This made my mileage for the day sixteen. Justin and I had just finished a two-mile stretch together when we reached the van, which was pulled off to the side of the road. Looming ahead was a massive hill that screamed fear and dominance.
“Let’s keep going,” I said excitedly to Justin.
He stared wide-eyed at me as he glanced from me to the hill. “You can’t even see the end of that!”
We had just finished saying how glad we were to see the van because all we had been doing the last two miles was climb hills. I could tell Justin thought I was joking until he realized I wasn’t crossing the road to the van. Those who still had miles to complete, wanted a longer break before running again and had proposed driving a few miles before running again. I insisted that would be cheating and we were supposed to climb the hill. Eventually, I convinced Justin to run up the hill with me. Hearing our conversation, even Tyler S. joined us. He was one of the people in the van saying that he needed more of a break.
As we started climbing, on either side of the road were fields with massive plastic-wrapped round bales. To our left, the hill sloped downward into a valley and you could see an amazing view. We would climb for three miles and still not reach the top of the hill. We made it hardly a mile before slowing the pace so that the three of us could continue talking.
“I don’t understand why you like hills man,” Tyler told me, out of breath.
“Me neither!” Justin agreed.
I explained to them how I loved them because of the challenge. I loved pushing myself to do it. Anyone can run up any hill if they believe hard enough. It’s all a mental game. Just lift the knees and keep going. I loved the burn, but most of all I loved the feeling at the top. When you finally finish running up a long hill like this one, the feeling of completeness that you conquered the hill and beat your mind was something I can’t explain. But most of all, the views were always rewarding.
“Look behind us,” I said. I turned around and stopped. Behind us, you could see the rolling farmland and the rows of bales suddenly looked like small dots. What had been larger than us when we ran by, was smaller than a fingernail now.
“It’s so rewarding,” I said. “Beautiful.”
“Now that is something I had never thought of,” Tyler said. He explained how his approach had always been to race up a hill. Tyler always pushed until he got to the top so that he didn’t lose a position in a race, but also didn’t burn himself out for the remaining portion of the race.
“Every hill I have run has always been to just get over it,” Tyler said. “Never have I looked at it.
“It’s beautiful,” they both said.
“Exactly, this is why I love hills,” I agreed. It was stunning. “Every hill we’ve run on 4K has been for Laurie.”
For a period, we ran backward, not only to enjoy the view but also to give our muscles a break. This was one of my favorite runs throughout all 4K. Someone took a picture of us pushing each other up the hill, and Justin soon made it his background to his phone screen. He didn’t think he could run up it without stopping. Besides once to enjoy the view, we ran the three miles of continuous uphill without stopping! It was a struggle and towards the end, there was no conversation at all, but we did it! We were all so proud of each other. From the top, it didn’t scream fear and dominance as it did from the bottom. It sang with empowerment and freedom. When we looked at our watches later tonight, we realized the first mile of this run alone had over 250 feet of elevation change. No wonder we were so exhausted!
The day was so hot, humid, and sticky that this was the only day of the entire summer where I ran 4K miles shirtless. I was suffocating to wear the jersey and I was sincerely worried I would overheat if I ran with the tank top. Without the tank top, our bodies were shiny, but the sweat was able to evaporate and cool us down. The tank tops just clung to our bodies and kept the sweat there. I could see now why other guys had run shirtless for quite some time on 4K. Regardless, I soon put the jersey back on, people had to know we weren’t runners going for your typical run. The jersey’s told them what the 4K for Cancer was and I wanted to be sure we weren’t missed.
We met two interesting people today.
I guess encountered would be a better description than met for the first person. We were on the side of the road, waiting for two runners to arrive back at the van when we noticed a man sprinting towards us. He was wearing only short running shorts and had the leathery skin of a suntanned, and weathered endurance athlete. He was clearly used to long hours training under the sun. Beneath his skin was not an ounce of fat and with each step, his body rippled with muscle. All of us waiting outside the van looked at each other, intimidated. He would soon run right by us. Not knowing what to do, we simply started cheering. As we got his attention, he smiled and started emphatically waving his arms. We made a tunnel for him with our arms and he ran through yelling. We were all laughing, but this crazy endurance athlete didn’t miss a beat. Soon, he was on the horizon. This story is completely random and even though we didn’t talk to him, it always makes me smile. Even on a day when morale was so low, and others couldn’t run, Team Boston always cheered on those who could.
The second person we encountered was also completely random. Again, we were waiting for runners to arrive back at the van and had pulled over in a farmer’s driveway. There wasn’t a great shoulder to pull over in so we had decided that the small, dirt driveway with grass growing in it would have to do. The driveway led to a dilapidated barn that overlooked another spectacular view. We were on top of a hill and a lot of us sat down in the grass to look back down at the pastures and the horizon. After ten or fifteen minutes, a lady crossed the street from the house next door and asked what we were doing. She was amazed when we explained what the 4K for Cancer was and how we didn’t have van troubles, but instead were waiting for runners to finish their miles. She ran back inside her house and soon her entire family came out. As the runners arrived, the family joined the tunnel we made with our arms and helped to cheer in the runners. We talked with them for a long time after that. They were extremely nice and extremely grateful. On the spot, they gave us a very large cash donation. It was amazing how we repeatedly ran into people completely by chance, who were so touched by what we were doing.
Despite these great stories and the many thoughts that went through my head throughout the day. I was deflated. During the first few weeks of 4K, we had all questioned how much of the route we were running. I have talked about the shuttling and the running in groups of four as opposed to pairs of two. But what I haven’t talked about is the injuries. Although no one can help this, and I am in no way hating on those who got injured, it was hard to see the miles we didn’t run as a team. Maybe I was thinking more about the effect the injuries had on the team because only four people completed their miles in the van today, I am not sure. All I know is that I felt bad for those who couldn’t run, and I couldn’t imagine being in their shoes. If I was feeling bad about it, I can’t imagine how they felt. As selfish as it is, I felt let down that some people had gotten injured but also felt somewhat responsible. Even now, trying to formulate these complicated and scattered thoughts is difficult and I am doing a terrible job explaining it. All I know is that my morale was low. I was ready to run into Boston. Part of me wanted to run into Boston tomorrow.
But the day wasn’t over yet. Another one of my favorite things on 4K hadn’t happened yet. My Mom, Dad, and my sister Aly came to visit me. When we had said goodbye at the airport in June, we had agreed Boston would be the next time we could see each other. So, I had been focused on this, not expecting to see anyone sooner than this. But a few days previously, when my Mom asked more information about our route, she surprised me and said they could see me in Saratoga Springs! I was so happy. I had been looking forward to it for the past few days as my morale had been especially low. Today, after talking and visiting with them, I realized I had been done running 4K for a while now and just wanted to go home. I was afraid to say this to the team because I didn’t want to say goodbye to all my teammates. But in the same sense, I was done.
We met up in the parking lot of a mall. The team was going to shower at a Planet Fitness and I cleaned myself up before visiting with my family. I think my exhaustion from running sixteen miles today, with little breaks and massive hills between, masked my excitement a bit. But I was so excited to see everyone. As we explored the town and ate burgers, we talked.
I briefly explained how 4K wasn’t what I thought it would be for both good reasons and bad. A lot of what we talked about is what made it into the blogs this time around, but not in their original posting. I was nervous that those who heard about the miles, that weren’t covered by the team, would be upset. I’m not denying that it isn’t upsetting, I just was nervous to publicize this, even to my family. I explained the shortages of food and how we were often hungry, yet other times there was an excess amount of food. We talked about what we would do differently. But all of this was only a brief conversation because I wanted to wait until Boston to tell them everything I was thinking. I still had to share the good aspects of 4K and hear what was new with them too!
Although it has taken a year to process many of the ideas published in this blog, and I am still processing aspects of 4K today, I was beginning to put these thoughts together. I explained how I was thinking 4K was already putting me on a better path and I told them about the various people we had met along the way. I explained how we had seen so much hospitality and it was amazing, regardless of how it was done, to run across the country. There was so much of 4K that I wished my family had experienced with me and I wanted to share it with them. This was the best dinner that I had throughout the whole summer and not because of the food but because of the hugs we all gave each other when we parted ways. I missed home and I missed my family.
After dinner, my parents also gave the entire team ice cream sundae fixings and the whole team came into the church’s kitchen to have some. I was grateful to those who talked with my family and took some time to thank them. I always thought it was nice to get to know those families we had met during 4K since our teammates had talked so much about them.
The most delicious item though was the muffins that my mom had made. She made pumpkin, banana, chocolate, and blueberry muffins for the entire team. Even more, they were all made from scratch and correlated with the various food restrictions the team had. The muffins were vegan, gluten-free, and nut-free. Hearing how much the team had been looking for food throughout the entire trip, my mom wanted to help in an area that often went overlooked, breakfast. There were enough for everyone to have two muffins and more. All of them were gone in less than forty-eight hours. They were amazing! I was so impressed by all the hard work and so thankful my mom had fed us! We were extremely excited about it!
Visiting with my family brought forward so many emotions. It was the first time I had verbalized, to someone who wasn’t on Team Boston, a lot of what I was thinking about the misgivings of 4K. I was nervous to talk about it and to reveal the bumps in the way 4K was run. I was so happy to see everyone and was grateful for the ice cream, the muffins, and the burgers for dinner. Even more, I loved the hugs and seeing everyone’s smile. I have never been good at goodbyes and when we parted ways, I made it quick because I knew it would only make me want to go home with them more than I already did. I wish we could have visited longer.
It was already late by the time my family left to go back home. At this point, most everyone had claimed their space throughout the church, and I was having trouble finding a spot. As I was walking around looking for a spot to lay down my sleeping pad, I realized two people were missing. Amber and Lizzie were nowhere to be found. That’s when I discovered the door to a storage closet open. I walked in and saw them climbing a ladder to the roof! Long story very short, about eight of us ended up sleeping on the roof tonight. We stared at the stars and talked until late. Sleeping outside was something that a small group on the team had consistently done since one of the very first nights. A few times they had even slept on roofs, and they had been trying to convince me to do so for a while now. It was so much fun!
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